I keep everything inside ‎…

Writing here about myself rather than my Persian blog just means one thing, I need a little more privacy! I’ve never been this much confused, I really do not know what going to happen, From others’ sight I have a good life, at least not boring, Studying in a good university, having a good family, so much activities, so many people around and of course a permanent will to help others … But they can not see inside, just because I always pretend like I am ok, I rather not to talk about my problems and inner feelings and that makes them harder to overcome.

The more I grow, The more problems come from my relationships, Experiencing so much pressure from this point in past 6 months, fall me in a manic depression challenge, I can not understand why things get worse even though I try hard not to let them to become so, In all kind of my relationships I try not to transfer expresses to other side, I always try to help other people, I always try not to be rude, I always behave extra logical, I always try not to offend people, I always try to accept their mistakes, I always try to be a good man, but I get depressed when I see they do not see this , or even worse they except more!

I usually do not even think about the things I do, I try not to talk about them, but tonight I wanna SHOUT! They tell me that they DO like me, but they are not ready to help me, That’s right, I don’t tell them to do so usually, but at least when I tell them, I really expect them to do so, but they always leave me alone… They even do not expect me to be sad!

I am afraid to say the more I go and try to be ok, I gain less, in past 6 months, 3 people told me one thing with different words: “I DO like you, You ARE extra good, But I can not help you, Please stay as a friend for me, but do NOT expect me anything?.

I keep everything inside and even though I try, it all fell apart …

4 thoughts on “I keep everything inside ‎…”

  1. so you think all of your problem is your friends, all sentences of this post contain “me, I, my” and these are all what you should pay attention yourself, but you want your friends to solve your problem.
    it’s not what you called “in all of my relationships …” . I think you pretend to do that! cause of our long relationship,
    I prefer to say you need friends to do yours instead of all you said.however waiting your friends to reply to your works, helps, smiles, monies as good as possible is a worst life i’ve seen ever.

  2. Dear friend, God has led me to you today. He loves you very much. I do not know you. But God knows you, and He loves you. He knows all your sins, and I can prove to you that He will forgive you and wash away your sin. He will do this for you because He wants you to be close to Him forever. Abrahim offered his son and a lamb died instead of his son. That lamb died as part of God’s plan. Isa is the lamb of God. I can prove that. Read in the Injil John chapter 1 verse 29. It says of Isa, “Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world”. Isa was born of the virgin. He was born without sin. He came to die in your place. You have sin, but Isa was the lamb of God, Who was the sacrifice for your sin. Just as Abrahim offered his son for God, so God offered His Son for Abrahim, for you, and for me. Isa died for you as part of God’s plan to save you and forgive your sin. Isa rose from the dead. That proves that His promise to forgive you all your sin is true. If you talk to Him today, He will hear you and answer you because He loves you. You need His love. You can only have true peace if you receive the spirit of God to live in your heart by faith in Isa, the Son of God. I love you.

  3. خوشحالم از دیدن شما
    من زن هلندی هستم
    من زبان فارسی یاد می گیرم

    I understand it’s very difficult to satisfy other persons. I understand it’s very tiring.
    My opinion is that it’s not necessary to do so.
    I read the message of Haik Hovsepian and I believe the same. God loves you. If you give your life in the hands of Yeshua, God will guide you. Don’t do the things to find acceptance of men, but if you do the things for God He will give you peace in your heart. That’s more than acceptance from men. Of course you can do good deeds for others. But if Satan cannot stop you, he will push you. That’s not right. You need rest; you need to give attention to God, a relationship. Sometimes it’s better to say “no” without feeling yourself guilty. You can say this because you know God loves you. He will never forsake you!

    Read the message of Haik again and give your life to Yeshua Khodawand!

    کتاب مقدس کولسیان 3 : 17

    هر چه می کنید
    چه گفتار باشد
    چه کردار همه را به نام عیسی خداوند انجام دهید
    و در عین حال خدای پدر را همیشه سپاس گوئید

    خداوند شما را برکت دهد

  4. I’m so tired of keeping everything inside. There are days when I’m screaming for help on the inside and I don’t know why. I get so depressed sometimes and I keeping putting on a happy face. Not even my family sees through it. I try so hard to be the good daughter but they always think I’m exagerating when I try and talk about it and they think I’m blaming them but all I want is for them to here me out. I need help but for what I don’t know I have ups and downs so fast it’s scary. My parents just don’t want to here it and my friends can’t even tell, but when I’m alone I just… want to scream for help but I know it won’t come. And everyone i know thinks I’m so happy all the time but they don’t see how hard it is, I get headaches from trying to keep up the face. I love my family and there are times when I am happy.. I think I just don’t know anymore. I sometimes hate myself for having these problems and I just can’t stop. I haven’t tried to kill myself or anything when I’m having my episodes I know its unreasonable but I still want to cry. Someone tell me whats wrong with me! When I’m alone it’s bad but when I’m with people I get better sorta.

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